Thursday, November 4, 2010

Man and Horse

Just had a most illuminating discussion on how man came to the decision that a horse is surely the best character to be rode upon. I remember in school I read that when chemists were trying to find the best catalyst for some Haber / Contact / Non Contact process, they experimented with the rest of the periodic table (come to think of it now, that's rather dumb!!). So.. err.. lets imagine...

Man sits on tiger:

"Hey cmon...  aaaaaaaa time out time out NO BITING!!"

Man sits on deer instead:

"Oh my god antleeeeerrrrrsssssssssssss...."

Man sits on lion:

Lion: "You really did not learn your lesson with the tiger thing eh?"

Man sits on hedgehog:

"OUCH!! Anybody got bandage? M-seal would work too.."

Man sits on crocodile (huh! nice boat!)

"Super MEGA OUCH. Anybody got a spare hand?! How about Luke Skywalker?"

Man changes idea.

Man sits on Goat:

"OUCH again! Anybody got a spare goat?"

Man sits... on second thoughts, decides to forgo the pig.

Man sits on cow:

"Aaah! Bliss! Nice creature. No violence."
"Hmm. For that matter, no movement either"
"Oh cmon you've eaten like a barnful of grass since I climbed on! No I dont want any, thank you"
"Now that you have eaten all that grass, you want to bring it up and eat it AGAIN!! Thats plain sick I tell you!!"
"You blessed cow, you just have to go till there. THERE man!! Its right THERE!!"
"OK fine I'll walk"

"I could sit on a cow all day long and smoke a pipe but its not gonna get me anywhere. All for that grass. OH WAIT brainwave!! How about smoking grass??"

Man sits on dog:

"I would like to note a revision of public opinion. Dog is not always man's best friend. At moments of awkwardness, they can be vicious enemies too."

Man sits on donkey:

"Bloody ass."

And so man chances upon horse.

To err is human of course. So in the 19th century, more British cavalry force perished from the kicks of horses than at the battle front in action. Apparently this was the smoothest compromise we could hit upon.